We met last Friday morning. Well, maybe “met” isn’t the right word. I believe the first thing you said to me was, “Who the FUCK are you?” That’s a funny thing to say to a guy after wandering into his apartment, passing out in his bed, and accosting him wearing nothing but a bed sheet (your own, might I add) the next morning.

Before I get too far, know that I’m not mad. Actually, I think you were pretty funny. And apparently, cute. I was, however, hungover as all hell, lying horizontally on the living room couch.

Why on the couch? Well, that’s where I chose to sleep (I know, weird concept) after crawling into what I mistakenly thought was my empty bed at 4am. Laying down in my bed meant risking waking you up. Which would have ended in one of two ways, 1) the worst horror movie ever or 2) possibly the greatest porno ever. I didn’t like my odds. Couch it was.

Truth is, I already have a situation. A good situation, even though “my situation” lives in another state. It’s so good, in fact, “my situation” laughed her ass off this morning when I told her that one story about a random naked girl waking up in my bed.

I believe you happened to mentioned your own situation, too. Only your situation, based solely on last night (and the tacky pattern on his [I assume] bed sheets)) doesn’t sound like a great situation.

That said, it won’t work with us. Sorry (it’s not you, it’s me and my over-use of parentheses). But I have a roommate, and I think he’d be a better “situation” for you. He has nice sheets and locks his door from the inside (looking out for your safety). He also had a better look at you this morning, and seemed to like what he saw despite you tip-toeing down the hall while simultaneously skyrocketing to the top of the walk of shame power rankings.

So, yeah. Let me know. I can arrange something, or you could just stop by.

I guess you already know where to find him.

Posted: 12-09-2011

I am donating some breast milk, and understand that they can charge a small fortune if you don’t qualify under medical. So, private parties that are interested in buying your own breast milk, please contact me via email. I am not necessarily looking for a profit, and want to do something kind. I am selling bags filled to capacity of pumped STD and drug free breast milk for $10. I am mostly vegetarian, don’t smoke or drink and err in the side of organics whenever possible. I do eat ALOT of fruits and have stuck to the kinds that make less gas for babies like apples and grapes (goodbye pears!). I am also a big diary eater of milk and cheese (to go with the fruits of course). My milk is medicine free, though i do take over the counter prenatal (will be switching to organic prenatal soon). I have posted pics of the bags of milk. Thanks! Oh, and i usually get 9 to 12 OZ in each bag (about 70- 100 bags). Thanks!
If you want me to bring my doctor’s papers stating i am clean, please tell me in advance.
Breast milk bag brands are Lansinoh and Nuk

Crack, speed , tweek, meth

Call my cell: I will be on the corner of nev and er. Let’s me up
Bring your mouth and some weed smoke. Let’s live in santa rosa and get high and slang bikes for drug money. Hell yeah!!

I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape. I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don't know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog. Three nights a week. If you’re capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

i was in my bikini at the circle k, you came in with your short shirt and your bike shorts on. they were white and you had a pretty sexy skid mark staining your behind. you got 11 sticks of beef jerky and a gallon of whole milk, then rode off on your bicycle. i will know its you because you paid in pennies.

New girlfriend is not a fan of my 8 year old lab, and says i need to make a craigslist add to find him a good home…..so here you go honey

Free to good home

1 jealous nagging dog hating girlfriend

make an offer or look in the free section if she keeps it up and gets kicked to the curb

I am selling my 22 year old husband. He Enjoys eating and playing video games all day. Easy to maintain, just feed and water every 3-5 hours. You must have Internet and space for gaming. Got tired of waiting so free to good home. If acceptable replacement is offered will trade.

I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.
I was hoping that tonight’s full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way’s of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you!